outside.

i love outside, love it. i feel refreshed, cleansed, free, rejuvinated by the outdoors. i should be a park ranger or something just so i could spend all day every day outside instead of underneath flourescent lighting surrounded by blah looking walls. my heart is full when i am out in nature. i love to listen to the sounds, feel the sun on my skin and watch the sweat drip down my arms. now, i suppose i should add a disclaimer here...i love outside when it is warm. i do not like cold nor to be outside when it is below about 50 degree, but between 50 and 110 i love it.
i am thankful that i married a man who also appreciates the outdoors and while we often enjoy different activities outside he is not afraid to venture out of the a/c into 100+ degree sun. i am confident we will raise our boys to equally appreciate nature. no, more than that...to love nature like we do.
When the boys are with me we will go exploring, we will dig up rocks, look for bugs, examine flowers, jump into  "lakes", go on hikes, hopefully one day cycle together. when they are with justin they will sit silently in deer blinds and shoot at them, they will ride 4 wheelers, build campfires during the 2 week span each year when there isnt a burn ban, they will build stuff.  justin and i will both be apart of all of these activites on occasion but i envision us as a family doing combinations of these things, like driving to a park, taking the long path down to the water to go fishing or camping.
today the boys and i ventured out to granger lake to do some exploring while justin stayed home to begin working on his new deer blind. here are the pictures of the boy's and my adventure. unfortunately i went left down the path which led us through great forest terrain but the water was actually to the right. whoops, lesson learned.

I-35 and my BFF

On saturday morning I left Justin and the boys and drove 180.4 miles due north to see my bff Ashley. I went alone. solo. independently. by myself. it was glorious. hunter and judah were not happy that i was going to see aunt ashley and her dogs without them, in fact they were heartbroken that i was leaving them behind but i needed some time without them and so i kissed there sad little cheeks, told justin "have fun!" and ran out the door :)
as i drove up I-35 i let myself drift into mind wandering mode and here were my thoughts on the things i passed:
1. RR outlet mall. holy crap, i cant believe when i moved here this entire complex was non-existent.
2. hwy 29 exit in georgetown-ha! no more driving up here to pay rent. 1 mortgage payment down 359 to go.
3. san gabriel river in georgetown made me think of the people along the flooding mississippi river
4. jarrell-yikes, i hope there are no more massive tornadoes here again
5. salado-
     a. ugh, that stupid traffic jam i was stuck in with the boys on our way to waco a couple months ago that caused the car to overheat and we had to sit at that rest stop for 3 hours. stupid chicken truck that tipped over causing that jam.
     b. ooh, remember to slow down because once i got a speeding ticket on my way to waco in salado
6.exit 279 tahouya road...half way to waco
7. the taco bell billboard in temple that has been there since i have been in texas
8. bruceville/eddy: oh there is the grocery store i had to pull over in and wait out a storm.
9. hwy 6 in waco: how many times did i exit here to get home when i lived in waco? and WOW! they have built so much since i left!
10. driving by baylor...i resisted the urge to raise a middle finger.
11. hampton inn in waco: so thankful for having that job when i lived here, i wonder if justin edwards is still the GM.
12. texas state technical college: remembering how many times i saw air force one taking off or landing from that airport.
13. west: yum-czech kolaches. so i stopped to grab one and go to the bathroom but the line was like 30 people long so i didnt stay.
14. hillsboro: will they ever finish the construction up here?!?
15. a gas station just north of hillsboro-i stopped there on my way home from dallas last march after the 1/2 marathon and had to pee so bad i almost exploded.
16. 35w/35e split-first time we drove to mn we inadvertently took 35e and did you know there is a willie nelson store like 2 miles past the split? we didnt stop to shop, who knows if there would be any legal things to buy anyways ;)
17. skydive 35: lets do it ash.
18: alvarado: there are always police cars here-obey the 65 mph signs
19. bethesda rest stop (south side of the hwy): we stopped there with breck on our way home from our wedding reception in MN and let her run around for a while.
20.mrs. bairds bread factory: im hungry.
21. exit 53: not going to dfw airport today
22. coors factory: almost there!
23. sign for the texas motor speed way: oh justin, i remember you lovely facial hair you had to go to that event.
24. basswood blvd: finally there!
25. sign near ash's house advertising the sale of bunnies: i think of "should have bought a squirrel" from rat race!

Once i got to ash's house we hurried off to our mani/pedi appointments. why do i not do those more often?! wow. it was delightful, relaxing, soothing and perfect. we got to sit and enjoy massage chairs, wine and just being together. we then grabbed lunch next door at a wine bar called cork it, ran back to her house for a little bit, jumped back in the car to go to church, target, tom thumb and then to her faculty end of year party. we had a blast at this MANSION of a home. it was so nice to be in the company of adults without the screeching of my children. the next morning we slept until almost 10am! i havent done that in ages. years. practically forever. we then sat out in the sun, drinking coffee/tea, made breakfast, sat in the sun until almost noon, got dressed and headed to grapevine market days where we shopped, people watched, ate and talked. it was so good to spend some quality time with ash, i have known her for almost 9 years, we have grown from 18 year olds to adults, she has been a constant in my life for almost a decade and i am so thankful for her friendship. ash and i hit it off from the start and while i dont get to see her much in the craziness of our individual lives i still consider her to be one of  my bffs. someone i know i will have in my life for the rest of my life. she and i have an easy realtionship-we just work together and i am so thankful for her. we had a great 30 hours together. it was just what i needed.

fail.

A friend told me the other day that her aunt and uncle were getting divorced. I cant say i was too taken aback by this comment as half the marriages in this country end in divorce-i know lots of people who have been divorced or who's parents/grandparents/siblings/aunts/uncles/cousins/etc have been divorced. I am so fortunate to come from a family (and to have married into a family) that truly displays what healthy, Godly marriages look like. I have incredible examples to follow.

 Anyways, she went on to tell me that her aunt/uncle have been married 20+ years (again, i know that just because you spend decades with someone doesnt guarantee your marriage will be happy and successful) and that they have an 11 year old child. She told me they were older when they got married and had a very difficult time getting pregnant so they are in their mid-late 50's. I asked if she knew why they were suddenly divorcing and she texted her mom to get more info. Her mom texted back a few minutes later with this response, "she got really involved in a local church and is pursuing a relationship with a man from it." to which she replied back to her mom, "great christians they are." 

we failed church. we failed again. not only did we fail the couple who is now getting divorced because no one in the church who saw the relationship budding bothered to stop it (she continued telling me that her aunt hasnt been around much apparently because she has been spending excess amounts of time with her new 'friend"), we failed the child who now will have a skewed perspective of marriage, relationships and the church, we failed the husband who is losing his wife to a man who should have respected the sanctity of his marriage, we failed my friend because this is what christians and the church look like to her.

my heart is sickened, saddened and disgusted. i know the church is not perfect, i know the church is made up of imperfect people, but i also know the church was called to live outside of this world, to show a broken, dark world what the light of Christ is and i know that to most non-believers the church is the only glimpse of Christ they see. i dont think Jesus is too thrilled by this representation of him. 

finally some pictures of the house!

I had been delaying posting pictures of the house until i was mostly unpacked, well we have lived here over a month now and i am not even close. so here are the pictures of the house with very little furniture, nothing hanging on the walls, and still very "bare bones". enjoy :) we love love love it.

Here are a couple of additional photos of the house-including the backyard.

See the ledge right there-i have no idea what to do with it. help!

faith like a child.

Every night I try to spend a few minutes alone with each of our sons. This is our time to talk about the day, have a quick laugh, give kisses and talk to Jesus.

Here is the synopsis of my conversation with Hunter tonight:
H: Mom, does Jesus look like he does in my Bible?
Me: No buddy, he doesn't.
H: Well, do you think that Big Papa (my grandfather who passed away 08-08-2008) could take a picture of Jesus in Heaven and send it to us?
Me: No Hunter you can't take pictures in heaven, there are no cameras or computers
H: Oh, well Big Papa maybe brought one with him, and he could put it in the mail if he didnt have a computer to send it.
Me: Buddy, you don't get to take things with you to heaven. Jesus will have everything you need there.
H: Ok.
(silence for a minute)
H: Hey mom, did you know in my sunday school class the other sunday i told my teacher that Jesus lives in our hearts and that we cant see him but he is always there and that when we are scared we can ask him to be our helper and we can ask him for things when we talk to him, like i really want that scooter with a motor like that other boy had ya know and so i think i will ask Jesus for that. And did you know that my teacher said i was right, that Jesus does live in our hearts.
Me: you are right Hunter, if you ask him then he will come live in your heart and you will get to live with him in Heaven after your life here is done.
H: Oh, like when Big Papa was sick and died he went to heaven because he had Jesus in his heart?
Me: yep, do you want to have Jesus in your heart Hunter?
H: well, how does Jesus get there?
Me; well you just have to ask him to come. do you want to ask him?
H: oh yes, but what do i say?
Me: just say something like, "dear Jesus, could you come live in my heart forever. I believe you lived and died on earth so we could live with you in Heaven. Amen."
H: ok. "dear Jesus. i want you to live in my heart forever. I know you lived here, even though it was far away from my house, and i want to live with you in heaven one day. in Jesus name, Amen."
Me (with tears streaming down my cheeks): that was excellent Hunter.

My heart is filled with undeniable joy, peace, and humility. My 4 year old son understands the extreme basics of the story of Christ and he believes in its truth.