Today started off well, it started with leaving the house on time, a quick stop at Shipley's donuts and not too terrible traffic on Mopac. That is about were the "well" ended.
Upon arrival to work I was told that the 4 year old boy we have been pulling platelet and blood products for for the past 3 weeks passed away Sunday night. My heart sank and my day went downhill from there. I don't know this boys name, i don't know his birthday, i don't know his official diagnosis, i don't know what his actual cause of death was, i don't know if he had siblings, i don't know anything about him except 3 things:
1. he has been on ECMO (essentially a heart and/or lung machine that is used short term--3 days to 4 weeks is typical) for 19 days
2. he has used 1-2 units of platelets on each of those 19 days and about 2-5 units of blood/week
3. he is B+
why does this bother me so much? i work in healthcare. i work in an industry where if you need the product i collect it means you are very sick, very hurt or actively bleeding on an OR table..but i wanted this boy to beat the odds. i wanted him to live. i wanted the power of life saving blood to work for him. i wanted to hear that he went home fully recovered, instead he will never again go home. he will not go to kindergarten next year. he will be buried sometime in the next few days and this world will move forward without him.
maybe i am so devastated by this loss because i have a son who is probably very close to this boys age. maybe my heart breaks for his parents because i cannot fathom what they are feeling right now. maybe my day was ruined because i am so accustomed to working in an industry that focuses so heavily on thanking donors for "giving the gift of life" and we couldn't give this patient that gift.
so, today was not an awesome day but i needed today to remind me to cherish life, to remember that the hole hunter made in justin's closet door (yes, for real. he said he wanted it to go all the way back to the wall but it stopped moving so he pushed it with all his might and the door stopper popped a hole in the door) just means he is strong enough to do that and that judah's very noisy voice is a blessing, because he has the ability to scream at the top of his lungs and not all kids can do that. i am blessed because i kissed my children tonight while they curled up in their own beds-not a hospital bed. my sons looked at me, hugged me back and told me they loved me-i didnt talk to a comatose child who is clinging to life on an ecmo machine or hug them around tubes, iv's, canuals, etc... i will go to bed in my own house not in a ronald mcdonald house because my sons are healthy and not in the hospital. my tears tonight are of gratitude that my sons are thriving, not the tears of sorrow the parents of that boy are shedding tonight.
look around and be blessed by those who you do life with.
