hi, i'm rachael and i am the mother of 2 boys

Hi, I'm Rachael. I am 27 years old. I have been married for 6 years and I have 2 sons. My oldest son is named Hunter and the younger is Judah. And I am content in only having 2 boys.

I have found the past few days and weeks that an unusually large number of people have asked me if Justin and I were really done having kids. I dont know why, perhaps spring is in the air and people are in the breeding mood...whatever it is, I am flabbergasted. Beyond the fact that it is weird that I have gotten this question so often recently is the fact that probably 75% of the people who have asked me are almost sad for me when I say, "oh hell yes, we are done having children." At first I thought it was the absolute finality in my response that catches them off guard, but then I get the "but you dont have a girl yet! Dont you want to try for that girl?!?" to which i reply, "no." to which the hardcore inquirers retort back with, "oh come on, you know you would have so much fun with a girl." to which my final response is, "yep, probably would...however that requires i risk the chance of getting another boy and I'm not one of those girls who really LOVES babies. so, nope, we're good with 2. and it just so happens they are both the same gender." end of conversation.

Now, i will admit...there was a point about 2 years ago when i toyed with the idea of "trying for the girl" but after realizing my husband's great desire to only have 2 children (regardless of gender-well, he says that but I do wonder if he would have pushed for a third if we had had 2 girls instead) I came to the point of saying, "these are the 2 incredible babies God has given me and rather than wishing for what i dont have, I will embrace the 2 I do have." And with that, I experienced a new found freedom knowing that I could truly get rid of baby stuff and reclaim my body as my own as it would not be used as an incubator or snack station again. what a glorious freedom this has been.

I will also admit that occasionally I do wonder what it would be like to have a girl or girls instead of the 2 beasts upstairs, however i love being a mother to boys because:

1. wrestling is way more fun than tea parties
2. mud beats makeup any day of the week
3. i get to teach them how to respect women
4. marvel comics are way cooler than barbies
5. teaching them about bugs is met with "awesome!" rather than "yuck" 
6. when one of the bugs i say yuck to is found in the kitchen they argue about who gets to pick it up and flush it down the toilet
7. clothes are something required when leaving the house rather than a huge ordeal in making sure one has the most fashionable outfit on
8. when they will go hunting with their dad, i will have oodles of me time
9. baseball trumps dance
10. encouraging your son to go ask that girl to the prom is probably way easier than explaining to a girl why that boy didnt ask her to the prom
11. picking out a tux is a whole lot more simple than buying a prom or wedding dress
12. no one will ever tell me my toenail polish is a hideous color
13. i dont have to buy cars2 and tinkerbell clothes, i can utilize hand me downs. 

and finally-the most important-in a house with 3 boys and myself it is an unspoken rule that mama is queen, and no one will ever challenge my place on that pedestal.

So, this is the end of "i only have 1 gender represented in my children" therapy session.  thanks and join me again next week for the therapy session titled: "yes, i grew up in minnesota but that doesn't mean i think 40 degrees is warm ."

to all you single parents out there...

This post is aimed at you single moms (or dads) out there. This is me bowing down to you. This is me being awestruck by your incredible ability to raise a child or children alone.

Tuesdays/Thursdays and many weekends throughout the year I am a single mother. The boys and I do not see Justin on Tues/Thurs because he leaves the house at 6am, works for 17 hours and comes home around 12am. (How he works that many hours in one day baffles me, but he has done it since hunter was born and so I guess he is just used to it) So on these days i am responsible for getting up, getting myself ready, the boys up and ready, lunches packed and out the door by 730am. we head to my in-laws (3 miles east of our house) and drop off Judah, turn around and go 7 miles west to hunter's school and drop him off, then hop on the highway and sit in outrageous traffic to go the 20 miles south to work. i work for about 8 hours and then hop in the car, drive the 20 miles north in terrible, but not as horrendous, traffic to pick up h from school, drive the 7 miles to gather judah and then on days like today rush over to tball practice, get home at 715 to let the poor dogs out, feed the beasts supper, play with dogs, get boys ready for bed, read stories, tuck in and then wait for them to fall asleep. oh, and then i have to do laundry, do the dishes and perhaps, just maybe find 10 minutes for myself.
I do this routine (well, the tball isnt every tues/thurs) 2 days a week...some people do it 7 days a week. i dont know how. how do you maintain sanity? i am in complete awe of you do it single parents. well done, i am impressed.

Go Cubs!

Tonight was a momentous occasion in the James household. Tonight was the first practice of the U6 Cubs t-ball team! I was nervous going into it because well, h didnt have the most spectacular try out and I didnt want him to be that kid on the team who was lacking in skills. luckily, I had nothing to worry about as a few of the other younger kids are in the same skill-level he is. I think he is the youngest on the team-Hank who is the 2nd youngest has his by 13 days-and there are some very obvious 6 year olds who not only look much more mature, but also have much better skill sets. H took to the coach (Travis) really well and had a great time playing catch with Hank and got to be buddies with Zach during the rotation time.
Highlights:
1. I think most of the moms are working moms-this is nice, because we all came to practice tired from running kids around and all mentioned having valentine parties today at the boys' schools. interestingly enough, 5 of the moms are teachers/counselors at RR ISD schools.
2. I think its funny that when i mention i work at the blood center, everyone (ok not everyone, but a large percentage of people) reply with "oh, interesting. i really need to go give. i think i am O+"
3. Judah found a buddy. Zach's 2 year old brother and Judah had a blast running around together. And i enjoyed chatting with their mom-Lauren. Oh, and Hank's mom who thought it would be a good idea to try for that girl after 2 boys and ended up with twin boys...case and point on why i am not trying for that girl.
4. My baby is grown up. He loved playing out under the lights tonight and had a huge smile on his face most of the time.
5. I realized this was the first of what will end up being HUNDREDS of baseball practices over the course of the next 12-14 years and i am excited.
Here are a few pictures of the event-pardon the fact that they are crap but i took them on my phone and my phone is crap so what can you expect.

1st team meeting...agenda:learn the other boys' names. 

Hunter and Hank during warm ups

Hunter said hitting the ball during rotation time was his 2nd favorite of the practice-his most favorite was running the bases because he could show the other boys how fast he was. 

After practice we played a few minutes on the playground. Doesn't he look so old?!?

When we got in the car to go home H said, "lets call dad. i need to tell him all about how awesome baseball is." this melted my heart and when i was putting him to bed he said, "I had an awesome time at baseball tonight and i can't wait to go back again." success.

PS.  Happy Valentines day!

being content during construction

Justin and I (along with the rest of the church) were challenged by our pastor to go through the whole Bible in 2012 and he gave us a great tool/reading plan called Life Journal. This reading plan goes through the old testament once and the new testament twice in a calendar year, and while the paper copy was available at church both Justin and i decided to use the electronic version. I follow the readings on youversion.com and he uses the mobile app of youversion.com to listen to his daily readings. so far i am really enjoying it as we have made it through genesis, most of Exodus, Luke and part of acts. i love the deep cultural history of how Israel came to be and reading about Gods unbelievable grace and mercy to his people who fail him daily. i have been surprised that i am enjoying the old testament readings more than the new testament, perhaps because i know the stories of Christ and the apostles and while it is absolutely fundamental knowledge i am enjoying the history so much. currently we are reading through the last third of Exodus and bleh, its all the measurements of the tabernacle/alters/lamp stands/etc. i dont particularly care about how many cubits the chair, curtains, lamps or tables are...but what i did catch onto today was this...our God cares about details. He cared enough about the minute details of a tent, he certainly cares more about the minute details of his people. I forget this all the time. i too often get sucked into the mindset of, "oh, i dont need God for this tiny little thing. i can totally do this on my own." forget it rach. you suck at doing stuff on your own and after reading this passage again today i decided that i think God likes the little stuff. I think he likes when we bring him into the "dumb" stuff that we probably could do on our own. I firmly believe that He wants me to ask him to help me find the boys SS cards rather than just bringing him in the "big stuff."
so, as i contemplate life this evening (on a day that i am tired of everything) i am reminded and reassured that God had 2 men (Bazeelel and Aholiab) build his tabernacle which means it took practically forever to build and that means that i, his creation that he cares more about than his tabernacle, am going to take forever to build. i am too detailed and to ornate to be thrown together. i am a work in progress.

this being said...i must also be reminded that the 2 little boys i was at my wits end with today are also a massive work in progress.

t-ball.

Today marked the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter in Hunter's (and my) life. Today Hunter participated in t-ball tryouts. Today Hunter did not do so well at t-ball try-outs. Today I stood helplessly behind my son as he hit, ran and caught the ball...I could not help him, I could not run alongside him, I could do nothing but watch. Hunter had a huge smile on his face as he ran the bases and tossed the ball to one of the coaches and therefore tonight was a success even though he had trouble connecting the bat to the ball and didnt catch all the balls that were thrown to him. Today Hunter moved from my protective shield to the world of youth sports. Today my son grew up before my eyes.

Let's start with how absurd it is that the U6 team has to try out for t-ball and how they are drafted a few days later. I stood in line today with H & J for 1 hour and 15 minutes so that my son could hit 3 balls, run to second base, catch/throw 4 balls and then give a high five?!? This is outrageous...but perhaps that I find it to be outrageous because I don't have a competitive bone in my body (well at least when it comes to sports), or because I never completed tryouts or experienced the thrill of making the team, or perhaps I find it absurd because I don't want my son to be rejected or told he didn't make "that" team. As his mother my job is to protect and shield him from this world and I cannot do that in sports. I cannot ensure his team will always win, or help him dive to catch that ball (hell. who are we kidding, I would be more of a hindrance than a helper in this instance), I cannot protect him from the mean things other kids will say when he makes a mistake...I must relax my grip and change my mindset from "Hunter's shield" to "Hunter's biggest fan." My son is growing up and while it is definitely time I can't say that I am embracing this change with open arms. I'm not ready to t-ball. H is ready and his daddy is ready and luckily I still (for at least 1 more year) have Judah as my baby.

Now let's talk about baseball/t-ball parents. WOW. 1st of all...it has been a long time since I have seen so many moms wearing "gym" clothes outside of the gym. I do believe I was one of about 3 "working moms' who was present this evening...yes, I went to tryouts wearing my work clothes and my heals...but such is life and while I got some interesting looks from "those" moms (the one wearing track pants and the Rangers t shirt gave me quite the look when I walked onto the field) I stood proudly with my sons, even though I was incredibly uncomfortable. 95% of  the moms that were present at the field tonight were very serious about their son's performances and appeared to be much more stressed out than the kids about which team they were going to be on. The dads were a whole different story...wow, they were serious. Let's just say this: I will not take sports too seriously, I will support my sons 100% but because I feel no need to live vicariously through them I think my focus will be able to remain on making sure they are having fun. So, to the dad who was making hand signs to his 5 year old...relax.

So, we shall see what team Hunter is placed on. He will not be drafted 1st, 2nd or probably even 3rd round this year. The coaches will not fight over #105, but my hope and prayer is that he will be placed on a team that will have a coach who sees his potential, who sees a smart little boy who wants to play baseball but just hasnt had the exposure some other kids have, a coach who says "yes, I want #105 Hunter James because I think he could be a great part of my team." I want Hunter to have a positive first season of t-ball and my desire is that he walks away in June feeling good about how his season went. I don't think my older son is the next Joe Mauer, but I've been proven wrong before :)

Wish me luck on this journey because while Hunter plays t-ball, I have to hang out with "those" moms.

death of a 4 year old.

Today started off well, it started with leaving the house on time, a quick stop at Shipley's donuts and not too terrible traffic on Mopac. That is about were the "well" ended.

Upon arrival to work I was told that the 4 year old boy we have been pulling platelet and blood products for for the past 3 weeks passed away Sunday night. My heart sank and my day went downhill from there. I don't know this boys name, i don't know his birthday, i don't know his official diagnosis, i don't know what his actual cause of death was, i don't know if he had siblings, i don't know anything about him except 3 things:
     1. he has been on ECMO (essentially a heart and/or lung machine that is used short term--3 days to 4 weeks is typical) for 19 days
     2. he has used 1-2 units of platelets on each of those 19 days and about 2-5 units of blood/week
     3. he is B+

why does this bother me so much? i work in healthcare. i work in an industry where if you need the product i collect it means you are very sick, very hurt or actively bleeding on an OR table..but i wanted this boy to beat the odds. i wanted him to live. i wanted the power of life saving blood to work for him. i wanted to hear that he went home fully recovered, instead he will never again go home. he will not go to kindergarten next year. he will be buried sometime in the next few days and this world will move forward without him.

maybe i am so devastated by this loss because i have a son who is probably very close to this boys age. maybe my heart breaks for his parents because i cannot fathom what they are feeling right now. maybe my day was ruined because i am so accustomed to working in an industry that focuses so heavily on thanking donors for "giving the gift of life" and we couldn't give this patient that gift.

so, today was not an awesome day but i needed today to remind me to cherish life, to remember that the hole hunter made in justin's closet door (yes, for real. he said he wanted it to go all the way back to the wall but it stopped moving so he pushed it with all his might and the door stopper popped a hole in the door) just means he is strong enough to do that and that judah's very noisy voice is a blessing, because he has the ability to scream at the top of his lungs and not all kids can do that. i am blessed because i kissed my children tonight while they curled up in their own beds-not a hospital bed. my sons looked at me, hugged me back and told me they loved me-i didnt talk to a comatose child who is clinging to life on an ecmo machine or hug them around tubes, iv's, canuals, etc... i will go to bed in my own house not in a ronald mcdonald house because my sons are healthy and not in the hospital. my tears tonight are of gratitude that my sons are thriving, not the tears of sorrow the parents of that boy are shedding tonight.

look around and be blessed by those who you do life with.

Halloween carnival

H was a sherrif, J was a ninja turtle, dog and soldier (different costume for each event we went too!). And at the end of the day, i just love them and the hilarious little people they have become. They opted to go to the travelling carnival at dell diamond instead of trick or treating :)

I love this because it shows how much they love each other.

they are eyeing the bell that is next to hunter.

they are getting so old looking!

H's pained look is due to the massive number of shocks he was getting coming down the slide.

i love this. 

and this. 

moral of the story...my babies are no longer babies.