- I rig the deck when playing games such as candy land...mysteriously only the double colors and picture cards end up in the pile. And wow, amazing how your bingo card fills up in perfect order...lucky.
- I often substitute bubbles for shampoo.
- I have convinced the boys that it is perfectly normal for girls to not eat meat...just so they cant say to me, "you aren't eating meat, why do i have to eat all my salad."
- in the winter, when it is dark out early, i sometimes tell them that its bed time at like 745. this does not work well anymore because hunter can read the clock, which requires one moves the clock ahead one hour.
- dessert often equals 1 jelly bean
- h & j think all boys have to kiss their mom's goodbye, and hello, and goodnight, and any other time their mom asks for a kiss.
- i have convinced them that only moms drink mountain dew, so they are to tell me anytime daddy sneaks some of my drink...and they are sworn to secrecy if i sneak some of his coke.
- my sons find it completely normal that i dont touch bugs, or lawnmowers, or broken stuff.
- occasionally i flip 3 or 4 pages of a book at one time. again, not working so much anymore.
- i have taught the boys that police officers can come to our house and get them if they are too noisy or dont listen after the 22034th time i have said to do something
- i tell the boys that bugs will grow in their ears if they dont clean them-or that bugs will eat their teeth if we dont brush them
- you are never allowed to body slam mommy. ever.
- if you go into a parking lot without holding a hand, you will certainly be hit by a garbage truck.. instantly
- it is always a good idea to pick a flower for mom, or 23 flowers
- sometimes i "forget" what they ask for, especially when it's that 3rd cup of milk an hour before bed or something similar
one day they may look back and be horrified i filled their minds with such atrocities...and i will simply reply, "oh just wait until you have beasts of your own."
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